Philias: 7 Kinks That Push the Envelope

Consider today’s episode a sampler platter of unconventional kinks. We’re talking exhibitionism, financial domination, wet and messy fun, fat fetishes, lactation fascination, golden showers, and even the fantasy world of vore. Don’t worry, we’re keeping it classy (well, as classy as you can when discussing people who get off on being peed on). Whether you’re a seasoned kinkster or vanilla as they come, this episode is guaranteed to teach you something fascinating about human desire. Just don’t blame me if you suddenly develop an urge to splosh around in some baked beans.

Video version:

7 Unconventional Kinks, Explained
No Description

Citations and further reading:

Exhibitionism and voyeurism

Financial domination

Wet and messy fetish

Fat fetish and feederism

Lactation fetish

Pee

Vore

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Ashley: When social psychologist Justin Lehmiller surveyed more than 4, 000 Americans about their sexual fantasies, he noticed one overarching theme to the dirty stuff in our heads. Breaking the rules is sexy. More accurately, he wrote, quote, The American id is characterized by desires to break free from cultural norms and sexual restraints, end quote.

[00:00:26] Ashley: You know, cultural norms like the idea that sex is only supposed to involve a penis in a vagina, that it’s only for making babies, and that it’s only to be done within a monogamous, heterosexual, human marriage, in private. But just like your parents telling you not to curse makes cursing irresistible, it seems as though society telling us that this is the only way sex should be makes a lot of things outside those requirements incredibly hot.

[00:00:57] Ashley: This miniseries has already covered many kinks like this. BDSM lets people play with the idea that a normal sex life should be gentle in between two equally empowered parties. Cuckolding plays with the idea that a normal relationship is monogamous and sex outside of that is a violation. Pup play and furry fetishes and even age play toy with the assumed expectation that everyone in a sexual encounter should act like a grown human adult.

[00:01:26] Ashley: The taboos around these kinks are what make them attractive to people. And today, we’re going to learn about seven other kinks that fit that category too, because human sexuality is diverse, and understanding that diversity helps us understand each other a little better. I’m Ashley Hamer, and this is Taboo Science, the podcast that answers the questions you’re not allowed to ask.

[00:02:11] Ashley: For long time listeners, I need to preface this episode to say that it’s going to be a little different from what you’re used to. Many of these kinks have little to no scientific research behind them, let alone scientific experts who can explain them. So this episode will mostly just be me, sharing what research I can.

[00:02:29] Ashley: Remember that the sexual kinks and fetishes that get the most funding for research are the ones that are harmful or illegal, so when a group of people just has an unusual way they find sexual pleasure, there isn’t a lot of funding available to study them. Which is a tragedy, I think. This podcast has taught me that when a member of a sexual minority can actually learn about themselves and people like them, they feel less shame and just generally greater well being overall.

[00:02:58] Ashley: As sex worker and amateur researcher Aella said in an earlier episode,

[00:03:02] Aella: The complete silence on the topic made me feel like I was Deeply fucked up and like completely alienated by society. I’m like, wow, I am so unusual that people like won’t even acknowledge my existence. Like it’s, I’m so rare that this isn’t even worth being talked about.

[00:03:18] Aella: And I think there’s something like that going on with sex research sort of almost spiritually. Like if you have a strange fetish and you want to know more about yourself, it’s dead silence. Nobody knows anything. Nobody’s bothered to put in the effort or care to learn about people like you. And that’s just like, sad.

[00:03:36] Ashley: So while I’ll do my best to get research from peer reviewed articles, sometimes magazines, blogs, and even Reddit are the best sources on these kinks. It’s just the way the world is right now.

[00:03:56] Ashley: And with that, I bring you kink number one, exhibitionism and voyeurism. You’ve probably heard of these. Exhibitionism involves getting sexual arousal from exposing your genitals to a stranger, and voyeurism involves getting sexual arousal from secretly watching a stranger undressing, being naked, or having sex.

[00:04:17] Ashley: These are both considered paraphilias for a few reasons, most important of which is that they’re done to someone else without their consent.

[00:04:27] Ashley: Exhibitionism is the older of the two, at least in written records, since the earliest evidence we have of it dates back to the 5th century BC. That’s when Greek historian Herodotus wrote about the wild party ships that would take people to this big festival. When these ships passed by neighboring towns, some of the women on board would flash the onlookers. We have always been the same.

[00:04:51] Ashley: Exhibitionism was first described medically in 1877, but voyeurism didn’t get its label until the late 1960s. Its medical definition has changed over the years, and in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or the DSM, it was given an age limit.

[00:05:10] Ashley: Voyeuristic disorder only counts as a disorder if you’re at least 18. The idea here is that kids and teens are curious, and they might end up watching and maybe even being aroused by nudity or people having sex just because they haven’t seen it before.

[00:05:25] Ashley: But like so many kinks and fetishes out there, an interest in exhibitionism and voyeurism tends to start young. Studies find that about half of exhibitionists and voyeurs discover their interest before the age of 18. We don’t know what causes it, but one theory about kinks in general is that some people are born with a predisposition for certain kinks, and it may just take a formative sexual experience, like walking in on the babysitter changing, to trigger a lifelong interest.

[00:05:56] Ashley: Speaking of kids, it’s important to mention that children are sometimes the targets of exhibitionism. There are three subtypes of exhibitionistic disorder, at least according to the DSM. A preference for exposing yourself to adults, to children, or to both. There aren’t a ton of studies on how many there are of each, but one researcher in the 70s found that about 20 percent of his sample had exposed themselves to prepubescent children. Not great.

[00:06:25] Ashley: Also, the stereotype of your typical exhibitionist is a creepy old dude in a trench coat, right? I mean, when you think of a person who gets off on exposing themselves, it’s almost exclusively a man. Part of that is society. Women’s bodies are seen as more sexually alluring in general than men’s bodies. So it follows that only a man would have to force someone to look at him. But it turns out that plenty of women are exhibitionists, too. In a Swedish study from 2006, of the people who said that they had ever exposed their genitals to a stranger and been aroused by it, more than 30 percent were female.

[00:07:04] Ashley: But this isn’t all about exposing yourself in a park or hiding in the bushes outside a neighbor’s window. Like many kinks that have potentially illegal elements, you can practice these ones safely and legally. Exhibitionists might enjoy having an agreement with a partner that they can send nudes at any time of day, so the shock of that person getting one during a work meeting can still pose a thrill.

[00:07:26] Ashley: There’s also OnlyFans, Reddit, Pornhub, many, many, many places on the internet where it is just fine to post explicit pictures of yourself for strangers to see. Voyeurs, meanwhile, can watch voyeur porn, in which the whole conceit is that someone’s watching without permission. Roleplaying with a consenting partner is also totally an option.

[00:07:49] Ashley: Sometimes that’s not enough for people, which is totally understandable. If you’re struggling with impulses that could get you arrested, it’s always a good idea to find a kink aware therapist.

[00:08:05] Ashley: Kink number two, financial domination.

[00:08:11] Ashley: Financial domination is a form of BDSM that can involve no sex, no in person contact, and nothing sexual exchanged at all. Instead, financial submissives, usually men, will make payments to a financial dominatrix to get the same feeling of relinquishing control that any submissive does.

[00:08:31] Ashley: In 2023, a writer for Lifehacker talked to a financial dominatrix, also known as a findom, goddess, moneydom, moneymistress, or cashmaster, about what kinds of things men ask in return for their payments to her. Every customer is different, she said. Quote, some want a gentle mommydom to talk sweetly with, others want a raging bitch to boss them around and demand money.

[00:08:55] Ashley: End quote. Some pay to do humiliating tasks, or pay to be blackmailed by her. Others just want her to send them a voice message.

[00:09:05] Ashley: In 2021, a writer for The Independent talked to a fin sub, or financial sub, about why he enjoys financial submission. Quote, The arousal factor comes from the thought of the dom invading the personal space that is your finances. People measure their self worth with their money. It’s intimacy, in a very capitalistic and masochistic way. Ultimately, a submissive hands over his money to a dom because he wants to use her as a tool to access some emotions that provide him with a chemical high that only comes from feeding his addiction to self destructive behavior. End quote.

[00:09:43] Ashley: This isn’t always a purely harmless practice. Many fin subs have low self esteem and have trouble talking to romantic interests in real life, so they may be easy targets for fraudsters who are more in it for the money than the sexual gratification. In fact, according to Chuck Petko, an addiction counselor who started one of the Internet’s first support groups for people suffering from financial domination addiction, the practice has led some men to lose everything the way they might with a gambling addiction.

[00:10:12] Ashley: The shame and suffering that results from maxing out a credit card or taking out a second mortgage is just yet another turn on, and it keeps them in a vicious cycle. Like with garden variety BDSM, there are responsible fin doms and there are quote unquote fake fin doms. Real fin doms spend years honing their online personas and the skills that make them attractive to subs.

[00:10:35] Ashley: For someone who wants to go this route, a little internet research is probably better than going with the first dom who pops up.

[00:10:44] Ashley: Kink number three. Wet and Messy Fetish, which is sometimes written as W A M. This is a fetish where people get off on getting messy, whether that’s with food like cakes and pies, whipped cream, baked beans, or oatmeal, or non food items like slime, mud, shaving cream, lotion, or even motor oil.

[00:11:04] Ashley: For some wet and messy fetishists, even getting their clothes wet can be a turn on. When it involves food, this fetish is known as sploshing. Wet and messy fetishes are different from fetishes for bodily fluids like pee and vomit. The appeal is less in the disgust of the mess and more in the tactile sensations, or the delight in seeing someone be degraded by a pie to the face.

[00:11:28] Ashley: The fetish can sometimes overlap with salirophilia, where a person gets sexual gratification by making the object of their desire dirty, dunking them in mud, ripping their clothes, that kind of thing.

[00:11:39] Ashley: This fetish, like others, can start young. I mean, what kid doesn’t like jumping in mud puddles or throwing food, despite what parents might say? There’s a violation inherent in dirtying yourself when you’re supposed to stay clean, and that can rev someone’s engine. In an interview I found from the Leatherati account on Medium, one wet and messy fetishist recalled walking around construction sites with another kid when he was 6 years old.

[00:12:06] Ashley: He said, quote, We walked around in the mud and I got him pretty muddy. It wasn’t anything sexual at that point, but I remember it as his mom yelled at me for getting her kid all muddy, end quote. When he was around ten, it started to become a sexual thing. He’d go out alone, splash around in the mud, masturbate, and then feel a ton of shame afterward. As he got older, he experimented with paint, food, and motor oil.

[00:12:31] Ashley: If you’ve never heard of this kink, you may have unknowingly watched some of it on TikTok. Those videos of beautiful women using their well manicured hands to slap wet chicken breasts into a casserole dish full of dry pasta, or spread peanut butter on a countertop to demonstrate a bizarre recipe that gets hundreds of thousands of views.

[00:12:51] Ashley: Yeah. While no creators have confirmed they’re making wet and messy fetish videos, there’s a large contingent online that believes that’s how they started, and then the engagement was so good, they just kept going.

[00:13:09] Ashley: Kink number four? Fat fetish and feederism.

[00:13:14] Ashley: A fat fetish, or adipophilia, is an attraction to overweight or obese people because of their size. Feederism, also known as gaining, is when someone gets sexual gratification from gaining or helping others gain body fat. Fat fetishism is a primarily heterosexual fetish, focusing on fat women and thinner men, though there are plenty of gay men who have the fetish too.

[00:13:40] Ashley: Probably gay women, but research never seems to talk about them, so

[00:13:45] Ashley: While I can’t find any peer reviewed statistics on it, a sex research site called BedBible claims that 1 in 14 men and 1 in 100 women have a fat fetish.

[00:13:55] Ashley: Fat fetishism is a tricky gray area because of society’s views of fat people. As a Redditor in R plus size put it, quote, Assuming that everyone attracted to fat bodies has a fetish is fatphobic, and a lot of us have internalized fatphobia that manifests as not believing anyone can be attracted to us without some kind of kink or fetish, end quote.

[00:14:18] Ashley: In other words, just because you’re attracted to a fat person doesn’t mean you have a fat fetish. It rises to the level of fetish when the fantasy becomes a load bearing part of your sexuality. You can’t really get sexual gratification without it.

[00:14:32] Ashley: Feederism is different. Instead of being attracted to a person’s size, someone with this kink is excited by the prospect of weight gain.

[00:14:41] Ashley: Here’s a description of it from Feabie, A social media site for feeders and feedees. Quote, Feeders are men or women who like the idea or physical act of helping someone else grow bigger. Feeders may be any size. Fat or thin, and some feeders also identify as feedees. Feeders exist along a wide spectrum from people who just wanna cook for someone and provide moral support to those who enjoy, quote, forcing a feedee to eat copious amounts. This is always a consensual act. Feeder is typically a label used in the straight community. In the gay community, feeders are typically called encouragers, end quote.

[00:15:21] Ashley: As far as feedees, the site explains that they come in all shapes and sizes with a wide variety of fantasies. Some put on large amounts of weight, some just fantasize about it and role play through padding or inflating their clothes. For some feedies, the idea of becoming unhealthy or even immobile is part of the turn on. But for most, the focus is on staying healthy while growing bigger. Which is totally possible, check out the obesity episode for more.

[00:15:55] Ashley: When we come back, we’re talking lactation fetishes, pee fetishes, and vore. Stay tuned.

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[00:17:36] Ashley: Kink number five, lactation fetish.

[00:17:40] Ashley: A lactation fetish, also known as lactophilia, erotic lactation, or breast milk fetishism, is where someone, usually a man, gets pleasure from watching women lactate, sucking on women’s lactating breasts, or having sex with lactating women. This fetish has some crossover with the adult baby diaper lover community, since breastfeeding is an activity for babies, and a separate crossover with pregnancy fetishes, where individuals are attracted to pregnant people.

[00:18:09] Ashley: In fact, a 2011 study of over 2, 000 lactation fetishists found that 71 percent reported both a pregnancy and a lactation preference. That study also found that the majority of participants had younger siblings, which suggests that, yet again, this fetish may have imprinted itself sometime early in life when they were exposed to pregnant women and saw breastfeeding in action.

[00:18:34] Ashley: I can also say from personal experience that pregnancy and breastfeeding subreddits are places where photos are stolen and reposted on fetish sites constantly. It’s never happened to me, but at points in my life when I regularly read these forums, it seems like every week someone reports finding their photos reposted.

[00:18:53] Ashley: Here’s that consent thing again. There’s nothing wrong with an attraction, a kink, or a fetish, but it crosses the line when it violates someone else’s consent.

[00:19:03] Ashley: There’s plenty of purpose made lactation fetish porn out there anyway. Not only that, but some countries even have lactation bars. A 2018 paper by Heidi J. Nast reported on five bonyu, or lactation bars, in Tokyo. These bars hire young lactating women who will do everything from express their breast milk into a cup for drinking to allowing patrons to breastfeed, often caressing them and making motherly cooing sounds while they do it.

[00:19:32] Ashley: But breastfeeding can also happen in the context of a relationship. Adult nursing relationships, or ANRs, involve either a woman who was previously pregnant and naturally lactating, or one who actively worked to induce lactation, which, fun fact, men can do too. And this isn’t always solely for the non lactating partner. The nipples are an erogenous zone, and in the right sexual context, some women can reach orgasm from the stimulation they receive.

[00:20:02] Ashley: Kink number six, urophilia, or the pee fetish.

[00:20:07] Ashley: Urophilia, also known as urolagnia, or being into water sports, golden showers, or piss play, is when someone gets sexual pleasure from peeing on someone or being peed on. This fetish can also encompass bathing in urine, smelling someone in urine soaked clothes, or drinking someone’s urine, whether from a container or directly from the source.

[00:20:29] Ashley: According to Justin Lehmiller’s survey of people’s fantasies, this fetish is more popular among men than women, and among gay and bisexual people than heterosexual. 8 percent of heterosexual women and 19 percent of heterosexual men reported fantasizing about this in the survey, while 20 percent of gay and bisexual women and 40 percent of gay and bisexual men said they had. Still, this was people who had ever fantasized about the practice. Many, many fewer fantasized about it often.

[00:21:00] Ashley: This fetish can have a lot of different reasons for its appeal. It’s a popular one in BDSM, since being peed on or being forced to drink pee is degrading and humiliating, which is very hot for some people.

[00:21:12] Ashley: There’s also a taboo element, both to the fluid itself and to the act of losing control of your bladder and allowing your body to release fluids that you’re supposed to keep under control. And finally, for some, it’s just a dictionary definition fetish. The sight, smell, feel, or taste of pee has come to be associated with sexual arousal.

[00:21:34] Ashley: Men’s Health asked a bunch of water sports enthusiasts why they were into it, and a few more reasons popped up. Some said it was a particularly intimate form of kink play, since it’s coming directly from a partner’s body. Another said there was something particularly sexy about seeing pee come out of a vulva, since they don’t typically ejaculate like penises.

[00:21:54] Ashley: And finally, there’s the sensation, quote, Pissing during sex is warm, wet, and squelchy. Who doesn’t like that? End quote.

[00:22:10] Ashley: Finally, we come to the final kink. Kink number seven, vore, or vorophilia.

[00:22:16] Ashley: This is where people get sexual gratification from the fantasy of devouring others, being devoured, or seeing someone be devoured. Like many kinks, this one doesn’t always have to be sexual. Some people just have a deep fascination with things being eaten, without a sexual element.

[00:22:34] Ashley: Vore comes in two types, or flavors, if you will. Soft vore involves being swallowed alive and whole, sometimes left unharmed, like Jonah and the Whale, or the Grandma in Little Red Riding Hood. There are actually a surprising number of children’s stories that involve soft vore. Hard vore is also sometimes known as sexual cannibalism, and involves ripping apart a victim piece by piece as they’re devoured. There’s no coming back from hard vore.

[00:23:03] Ashley: Vore has overlaps with a ton of other kinks and communities. Macro or microphilia is a big one. That is, an attraction to unrealistically large or small individuals, since being much larger than your victim is helpful in making vore fantasies possible. There’s also a large overlap with the furry community and their interest in animal characters, since predator and prey dynamics are common in the animal world.

[00:23:30] Ashley: There are also some overlaps with pregnancy fetishism, as many vorophiles focus on the pregnant look of an individual’s belly after consuming their victim, and with unbirthing, which involves being sucked back up into the birth canal. Finally, there can be overlaps with coprophilia, or a poop fetish, as some people prefer when victims are fully digested and excreted out.

[00:23:53] Ashley: Unlike the other kinks on this list, vore is very difficult and usually impossible to actually experience in real life, though it’s happened in at least one high profile criminal case. Armin Meiwes, a German man who had roleplayed this fantasy with various partners until he met a man who actually consented to being killed and eaten by him.

[00:24:15] Ashley: Sometimes the fantasy act is violent or vengeful, but often it’s loving. Part of the appeal of this kink is the deep intimacy of having someone’s entire body inside of you, or vice versa. Many fantasy stories published online include vivid descriptions of how the willing victim felt every inch of their bodies being touched and held snugly in the throat as they were swallowed. As Reddit user Succy-Memebavaran put it, think of it like cuddling, taken to the extreme.

[00:24:44] Ashley: So, there it is. Seven kinks that prove just how wild and varied human sexuality can be. From getting off on flashing strangers to fantasizing about being someone’s lunch, we’ve covered a lot of ground. Some of this stuff might sound pretty out there if you’re not into it.

[00:25:00] Ashley: But as long as everyone’s a consenting adult and nobody’s getting hurt, unless, of course, you’re into that, there’s no reason to yuck someone else’s yum. Learning about these different kinks isn’t just about satisfying a morbid curiosity. It’s about building empathy and breaking down the shame around less mainstream sexual interests.

[00:25:20] Ashley: At the end of the day, the more we understand about human sexuality in all its weird and wonderful forms, the better equipped we are to navigate these topics without being judgmental jerks. Because judgment and shame are some of the biggest hazards for people in these communities, and there’s no reason for it.

[00:25:37] Ashley: So let’s all try to be a little more understanding.

[00:25:47] Ashley: Thanks for listening. Big thanks to me, Ashley Hamer, who thought this solo episode would be a break from all the work of interviewing and ended up writing nearly 9, 000 words. It was, in fact, way more work.

[00:26:01] Ashley: Are you into any of these kinks and fetishes, or any that I’ve covered so far? I want to hear from you! Head to podline.fm/tabooscience and leave me a voice memo. And I’d love to play it on a future episode.

[00:26:16] Ashley: Also, as this miniseries wraps up, I’m considering turning the tables and airing an interview with me. All about what I learned, how I found people to talk about this stuff, the most controversial episodes, that kind of thing.

[00:26:28] Ashley: Would you be into that? Can you let me know by tweeting @tabooscience or emailing me at ashley at tabooscience. show? I’d like to do it, but only if you want it. Consent, right? The next and so far final episode has been my personal white whale for this podcast. The science of foot fetishes. Are all foot fetishists creeps, or are they just misunderstood? We’ll find out. I hope you tune in. I won’t tell anyone.